Archive for the ‘Dialogue’ Category
Defining Pie
Scene: Village Inn, Wednesday, 1:45 p.m.
Steve: Free pie today! Hmmm… what should I get?
Jen: You have to choose from these few pies on the list. They’re mostly fruit pies.
Steve: What? No brownie pie on the free-pie list? I only want brownie pie!
Jen: There is no such thing as brownie pie.
Steve: There so is.
Jen: No, I’ve seen what they call “Brownie Pie” here, and it ain’t pie. It’s just a brownie cut into a triangle.
Steve: It has ice cream on it!
Jen: Okay, so it’s a brownie, cut into a triangle, a’la mode. They are trying to pass it off as pie, but it’s not pie.
Steve: It’s pie. It was baked in a pie tin.
Jen: That doesn’t constitute “pie”. You can’t bake poo in a pie tin and call it “poo pie”.
Steve: Yes! It would be poo pie!
Jen: No way. Pie is defined by what type of food item it is. Not just what type of dish it’s baked in.
Steve: No. It’s the dish. If it’s baked in a round dish it’s pie. Yaknow, they have PIZZA Pie.
Jen: Look it up. Google it right now.
*Steve pulls out blackberry, types in dictionary.com*
Steve: Okay, the definition of pie…
Waitress: How’s everything you guys? You doin’ okay?
Jen: We’re fine, thank you! We’ll probably want some free pie when we’re done though…
Steve: …okay. There are a few definitions of pie. One: a baked food having a filling of fruit, meat, pudding, etc., prepared in a pastry-lined pan or dish and often topped with a pastry crust.
Jen: Brownie pie does not fall under that definition! No fruit, meet, pudding, and no crust!
Steve: The edges get Crust-Y!
Jen: That doesn’t count as “crust”.
Steve: Ok fine. Definition number two: a layer cake with a filling of custard, cream jelly, or the like.
Jen: Brownie pie still fails. Not pie. It’s not custard or jelly.
Steve: Three: a total or whole that can be divided: They want a bigger part of the profit pie. (figure of speech.)
Jen: Ha! Again, brownie pie not defined. Pie is defined by a CRUST. A pastry crust. No crust? Not pie.
Steve: …but Pizza? Oh. Crust.
Jen: Yep.
Steve: Chicken pot pie! Oh. Crust.
Jen: Concede!
Steve: I concede. Brownie pie is not pie. It’s just… brownie.
Jen: Yes!
Steve: And it’s delicious.
Jen: But it’s not pie.
Barnes & Noble Coffee-Drinking Dialogue
-As usual, the scene is Steve & I at the Barnes & Noble Cafe, having just ordered latte’s, and flipping through magazines.-
Steve: First Cinnamon Dolce latte in a week! How much money do you think I’ve saved by using our new coffee maker instead of buying these every day?
Jen: A lot. I just can’t believe you’re actually using this one. After an espresso machine and a Senseo, you finally found a regular old coffee machine that lives up to your diva standards.
Steve: Nothing beats this, though. (Sipping his Grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte Extra Hot Latte with Whipped Cream)
Jen: Yeah, but you were spending like $8 a day on them!
Steve: At least!
Jen: You quit smoking, and then replaced that expense times two with Starbucks.
Barnes & Noble Barista: Here’s your Rice Krispie Treat. I warmed it up for you!
Jen: Thanks!
-Steve glances sideways at melting glob of goo on a plate-
Jen: Um, yeah. The rice isn’t krispie anymore. This is rubbery. Damn.
-Pushes plate away-
-Steve returns to flipping through Bass Player magazine-
Steve: Dude, you think I have a lot of instruments? Check out this guy! He has a Tobias 6-string bass, a Tobias 5-string bass, a Washburn 5-string bass, a Washburn 6-string bass, a 6 string fretless Washburn, a Fender American Standard Jazz Bass, a Custom Carvin, and a Rickenbacker!
Jen: Wow. But guess what he probably doesn’t have?
Steve: What?
Jen: A girlfriend.
Grocery Store Dialogue
Steve: Okay, do we need anything else? The cart is packed full. This is going to be freaking expensive.
Jen: Naw, it won’t go over our $150 budget.
Lindsay: Um… I think it will!
Steve: Okay, what is everyones guess?
Jen: $160 tops.
Lindsay: At least $200.
Steve: $175.
~Start emptying things onto checkout conveyor belt~
Steve: Ew! You got whole grain tortillas? Why?!
Jen: Healthier!
Steve: Um, they can’t be healthy if they don’t get eaten.
Checkout lady: Gotta get your healthy stuff somewhere!
Jen: Exactly!
Checkout lady: (Smiling at Steve) But I won’t touch those things either.
Steve: I know! Whole wheat is gross!
Lindsay: Whole wheat is good!
Jen: It’s not so bad! You won’t even taste the tortilla by the time we’re done putting butter, cheese, sour cream, guacamole & salsa on it.
Checkout lady: *snicker* Yeah, all the unhealthy stuff will mask the healthy stuff.
~Nearing end of ringing stuff up, total reaches $149, with about 10 things left to go~
Steve: See? You’re waaay too low with $160. I’m gonna win!
Lindsay: Hm. I was way too high.
Jen: Crap.
Checkout lady: What were all your guesses?
~We tell her~
Checkout lady: (Looking at me) I’ll make you win. Especially since I gave you a hard time about the tortillas.
Jen: Sweet!
~Total reaches $168.83~
*beep! beep! beep boop!*
~Checkout lady pulls a million coupons & her badge out, and scans a bunch of crap in~
Jen: Awesome!! You’re my favorite checker ever.
~Total now is $143.22~
Steve: Well, I would have won.
Jen: (To checkout lady) What is your name? I’m coming to you every time.
Checkout lady: Here’s your receipt! You saved $40.58.
Jen: So cool. I guess that’s the bonus of coming to the store and being the last one to check out before it closes!
